Why man and woman can be friends? Why man and woman can’t be friends?
According to my limited experiences and personal choices as a woman.
Let’s start with a background story…
When I was little and still live in the countryside, I love to be friends and play with girls or boys until one day, when we moved to the city, one of my brothers told me “girls should play with girls’’. Thus he chase me away from their friend’s circle when I was around eight.
As a kid and being in a new environment, the person I can trust was only my family member so, of course, I believed in my brother's words and listened to him. I play and be friends with only girls. Few girls. Although I want to be part of the boys, I never did because of the belief of “girls should play with girls’’. I don’t friend with the boys.
I know some girls that are surrounded by boys and have a lot of boys friends though, while I choose to hang with a few selected girls' friends and observe the boys from a distance, especially in my teenage days. Some are quiet. Some are wild and crazy. Some are smart. Some are funny. Some are kind. Some are cool. Haven’t met a psychopath so far and hopefully never.
I think it’s something natural that the opposite sex is interested in the opposite sex because they look and behave quite differently from each other after all…? It’s something worth learning about, right…?
Okay, that’s the background story. Now, let's see some factors of how and why I choose to be friends with someone, man or woman.
The person that I’ll be friends with:
First, they possess the character that I value. Second, they are a life learner. Third, they had some similar views with me regarding this ‘life’. When someone ticked any one of the factors above, man or woman, he/she could be one of my friends.
And here is the crucial one, “romantic feelings” is the main factor for consideration when I have to deal with ‘to be friends’ or ‘not to be friends’ with a man. Romantic feelings can develop slowly in me if the man is “physically attractive enough to my eyes” and quickly if he is super attractive with all of the ‘three friends factors' ticked.
Everyone has their own standard of beauty which is the beginning of their physical attraction. This “enough amount of physical attraction” is one of the causes for me to develop romantic feelings toward a man.
I used to be someone who said ‘I don’t care about appearance’ but over time, I learned that I need to find men who are physically attractive enough to my eyes in order for me to be able to open up my vulnerable side (my emotion, to be exact) with him. Only when I am able to open up my feelings then there’s a chance for me to connect with the person I’m interacting with.
So, here’s the main question of this article,
Why man and woman can be friends and why some can not be friends…? according to my limited experiences and personal choices as a woman…
1. The man that I choose to be friends with.
The man that I didn’t have any romantic feelings with, and I “believe” he doesn’t and he won’t develop that kind of feeling for me either. Those are the men I can be friends with and of course, they have to tick one of the factors from the three that I stated above for me to consider being friends with them, or else, I wouldn’t even bother about who they are. Simple.
There, I can be friends with a man.
2. Man that I choose to not be friends with. This fall in two cases.
Case one,
The men whom I didn’t have romantic feelings for while I know it clearly that they have feelings for me and they will not or can not stop their own feelings.
I can’t… I just can’t… not that I’m not interested to develop any kind of romantic feelings towards them but… I just can’t bring myself to even start…
I won’t keep a man as an option knowing I didn’t have any romantic feelings towards him and I know I couldn’t even try to develop those feelings for him. I told them boldly or subtly, more than once, more than enough to let them know that there’s no way for a romantic relationship between us, and “friendship” is all I can offer.
But if their feelings for me were still there and even kept growing after all that I have told them... There’s no other way for me besides cutting them off from my life or… I ghost. When a talk or any kind of explanation won’t work anymore, that’s the last choice. I can’t let them focus on me or get attached to me and forgot to look for someone else that would love them the way they wanted. It’s for their own sake because I know I couldn’t offer them more than just a friendship. I am saving their time.
So, if a man ghosts me…, I won’t complain because I also did the same. We have our own reason when we choose to ghost someone.
Case two.
The man that I have romantic feelings for or the man that I start to develop romantic feelings for but I know I couldn’t be with him in the long run for various reasons.
There’s only one way, I have to let them go.
At first, I might keep the interaction just enough to keep in touch or try to connect because I think maybe there’s a chance but when I realize the chance never comes and my feelings start to go south, I eventually thought to myself…
“If I couldn’t express and get the feedback that I want with all of these feelings that keep growing inside me… what’s the point…?”
I let them go…
Thus, I can’t be friends with a man.
In brief, man and woman can be friends or not, it all depends on one’s choice depending on the circumstances.
