Is scolding your children an act of love?
“Be grateful when scolded by your parents because when your parents stopped scolding you, that means they no longer care about you.”
Yep, that’s one of the phrases I used to hear when I was a little kid. I never understand at that moment why would parents scold their children if they care and love them but, as time goes by, I slowly understood what’s the phrase really means.
Scolding your children when necessary is acceptable.
Some kids are very naughty that parents had to scold them when necessary. It’s a belief passed from generation to generation that’s okay to scold our child as long as parents didn’t use their hands or feet e.g hit and kick. It’s better that kids are scolded by their own parents rather than let them be scolded by a stranger or scolded by other kids’ parents.
Kids naturally will do something wrong in the eyes of the adults which is common since kids haven’t had the ability to discern which kind of action is accepted and which kind of action is unaccepted according to the society around them.
So, is scolding your children an act of love…?
Parents scold their child because they care about them. But the problem is, some of the parents might don’t know how to do it correctly but still, they did what they did out of care. Their scolding could be based on love, their scolding could be based on irritation, but nevertheless, it’s all because they care.
Some parents know when to be clear and to scold their children based on the situation and condition. They know when to praise. They know how to make their child open up in order to create and bond a close relationship between them. They know when to use what kind of manner to talk with their child as if talking with a friend.
Some might say it’s a calling when they do good with their role as parents although they lack knowledge about their role before. They learn along the way from trial-error and self-correction while some who’s having lots of baggage and pressure in life and couldn’t deal it within themselves, their kids might end up as their scapegoats for their lack later on. And this will also happen when someone who doesn’t have their own understanding about what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable in society suddenly becomes a parent.
When parents stop scolding you, it could be real because they no longer care about you but it could be also because they believe that you can or that you have grown as expected by their moral standard so there’s no need for lessons through scolding anymore. They will always be there when you need them, as long as they are alive. No matter how old you become, no matter how far you live apart from them. They will always care about you. They won’t ask you to return the favor (it’s just fair because parents were the ones who bring these children into this world no matter what is the cause and by doing so, it’s a parent’s responsibility to bring them up and teach them a knowledge of how to take care of themselves and if the parents teach their children correctly, these children will return their favor without the need of being asked by their parents). Unconditional love. That’s how a love of a parent for their only child.
With different natural-born intelligence, kids grow up and build their character through what they absorbed, copied, and learned from their surroundings daily.
Parent and child relationships actually can be cultivated in another kind of relationship, especially a relationship with ourselves.
Have you ever felt tired and do not care about something anymore that you just stopped complaining or stopped voicing your thought…? You feel no energy. You simply give up. It can be about your partner, it can be about one of your friends, it can be about your siblings, it can be about society, it can be about anything, and it can even be about yourself, your life… you just doesn’t care anymore. You are alive but not living. No more emotions. Worse, you don’t know how and what to be grateful for.
There’s a major difference between “you stopped voicing your thoughts but are still grateful and enjoy things around you” with “you stopped voicing your thoughts and don’t know how to be grateful or have a good time with things around you”.
Do you treat yourselves like a friend? or do you treat yourselves like an enemy…?
Do you act in a way that could harm yourself, physically or mentally…? Do you beat yourself up by your own negative judgment towards yourself…? Or do you being friendly enough such as trying to be patient, have empathy, compassion, or being grateful towards yourself, for being alive, for having what you have around yourself despite all the flaws…?
Love ourselves.
What do you feel when someone you love dearly acts in a way that will harm and endanger their life…? Do you think your children, friends, your siblings, your partner, your parents won’t be sad and won’t be worried if they know that you are hurt physically or mentally…?
Sometimes, we think we can love someone without the need of loving ourselves. What we missed by that idea is, if we don’t know how to love ourselves, act in a way that is best for our life to live healthily, physically or mentally, how do we make the one we love can live at ease? Do you love them while letting them worry for your life…?
Takeaway:
Know how to love yourselves, only when you know how to love yourselves, then you know how to love someone else, just as a mother loves their only child.
